The New Battery & Charger

Over the last few months Miss Pug hasn't moved from the drive what so ever (unless I am turning her around) and I admit during November I think it was, I had forgotten a few times to start the car and during which time; the battery died.
It was a sad moment when all I got from her was a tiny tick, not even the starter motor trying to turn her over. It was THAT dead.
With Christmas fast approaching I knew that any battery charger purchase would have to be in the New Year. With Christmas out the way and being in the New Year I weighed up the pro's and con's of having a charger pack or a battery charger. In my desperate state to just get her started again I decided for a battery charger and I didn't do much research about this job, let alone it's complications - This could of cost me dear if I had gone down the charger pack route, but thankfully I didn't.
I decided I wanted a battery charger, I knew the risks of getting a charger pack and transferring volts at high speed to get her to tick over; which would damage the battery more and 'fry it'.
So, I purchased the RAC HP-026 battery charger.
I previously owned one of these and it was better than amazing so in the coming weeks I didn't expect to have many problems however; I was wrong to stick with the brand.
I purchased one of these before, for my last touring caravan and it worked a treat.

However........... Although this was brand new it appears to be faulty.
I firstly tried to charge it ON the car. To save frying the battery I wanted to put it on a trickle charge. I hooked it up to the negative first and then the positive (as you should do might I add) and the battery registered a very full and healthy 100%. I knew then instantly that the battery was not anywhere near 100%. I flicked the switch onto fast charge and again it wouldn't work. Even the amber 'charging' light wouldn't light up. I then decided enough was enough and despite the alarm risks to which I don't have the code to disarm I would take the battery off the car.
On a mechanic friends advice I kept the key in the ignition which stopped the alarm going off - I tell you now, I have never been more terrified in my entire life (ok, technically a lie) when I disconnected the + terminal. The battery terminals were clearly leaking a touch so I of course took the proper safety precautions, I did however manage to get some acid onto my hand which went warm until I washed it off......
Anyway, battery disconnected from the car I had a minor fight with the retaining clip and bolts that held the battery in place... Nothing a bit of WD40 couldn't sort.
Battery came in the house, near the back patio door and near the radiator - just in case thawing would make any difference.
Again, the charger read 100% and not charging.
I then bought a multi meter to check the volts actually in the battery and to see even if the charger was not charging to see if it was.
The battery read a very dead 8.03 volts.
After 1 hour 30 minutes on a trickle charge it had shot up to 8.20 volts.
The charger, although it didn't register it was charging, really was.
I left the charger on the battery for 5 days before I declared it a goner. I can report as the life support was withdrawn the battery gently slipped away that night. However, the very next day and OFF charge it showed signs of coming back to life. As life support was withdrawn it registered 9.09 volts.
The next day it had shot up to 9.17 volts (day 6). Now we're on Day 12 it has gone up to 9.65 volts - all by itself. I am not deluded in thinking it's going to miraculously recover and shoot up to 12+ volts. I wrote the battery off in the Winter and have already replaced it.
I have chosen the best battery in my budget. I looked at only 45 Ah batteries but then found a 60Ah battery with a CCA of 570 (That's cold cranking amps for anyone not in the know, basically means how well likely the battery is to start the car in cold temperatures).
Within minutes of the battery arriving I had already fitted it to the car.
I connected the + then set about connecting the -. Just as I had connected the -, I heard a tick tick tick noise and at that precise moment, a visitor popped up and shouted over. I quickly realized it was the ignition and again I had passed my own expectations of my own abilities and again - the alarm hadn't sounded. I knew this job was easy but the real test would be the engine ECU (BSI). See, as the battery was OFF the car and charging I then realized that if I had gone down the route of starter pack I could of fried said ECU and caused endless problems with it. I done the battery retaining clip up and then went to start it.
Ignition on, Counted and waited 10 seconds for the computers to stabilize and then turned the key to start her sexy ass. 10 seconds was up, I recorded the cars response and she fired first time. I felt so happy she had jumped back into life.